I’ve been there.  Maybe where you are now.  Sitting in the pew, singing the songs, doing the service, praying the prayers, and hiding.  Hiding, managing, wrestling with symptoms, anxiety, anger, depression, that emanate from me, that many times threaten to overwhelm me.  Then at times there’s the whisper of shame, the guilt, for not being better, being a follower of Jesus and still dealing with these issues. At times I noticed others, so serene and trusting in the Lord, how do I say, sometimes this isn’t working for me?  That abundant life that Jesus promised seems elusive and I sometimes imagine God is distant and disapproving.  I had spent decades of my Christian life with a part of my soul so hidden yet at times so involuntarily powerful.

 

Something is broken here.

 

Some years ago in a women’s small group study, our book invited us to reflect on origins and roots of patterns in our lives. I considered some early discounted years, a little girl in a place of powerlessness where everything that constituted the foundation of trust, security and attachment was shattered by being in the presence of ongoing manipulation, rage and abuse of a rage-aholic father.  It didn’t happen to me, so I thought it was insignificant. But God knew what I needed. As I paused and sat with the questions, the Holy Spirit guided me to attach words and emotions to those events in a way that I never had before.  As I poured, He was pulling out of me things that I didn’t understand.  As I acknowledged the reality and impact of these years it felt like the living water of the Spirit had invaded a parched and dark cavern. It was like being born again….again.

 

Breakthrough.

 

This began a recovery path where I am continually learning…..to lean into the uncomfortableness of the moment, to stay under instead of escaping, ask questions and then listen, read the scripture, journal, pray and walk.  As I walk, Jesus guides me to a message, a service, a song, a book, a friend, a counselor, a recovery group where He might present me with a layer that needs removing, a  missing piece or a box that needs to be opened. Often the realization of His truth strikes the place in my heart that needs it, the exhilaration is so real.

 

And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. – John 8:32 NKJV

 

At times I wondered, why all those years, serving, praying the prayers, struggling and unaware?

…I know who we are.

My passion is to hold a space for people to feel safe enough to sit with the uncomfortableness, to break the rules, to consider some questions and discover that they are known and loved by our eternally scarred Savior, Who came to heal the broken hearted and free the captives, Who also gives us His empowering grace so we can hold the tension between the joy and suffering that is a part of living in this fallen world. 

   

LifeRiver Christian Recovery is my offering to facilitate healing and transformation in the Body of Christ.

 

I am not a professional counselor. I operate in the limitations of a coach and facilitator. 

 

As a life-long learner I have earned my Bachelors in Biblical Studies from Lancaster Bible College, I have completed an 18-month Lay Counseling church program, I am certified by the BALM (Be A Loving Mirror) Family Life Recovery Coaching Institute and I am a Trauma Healing Facilitator/Training Facilitator with the Trauma Healing Institute and a part of the Baltimore Community of Practice (THI).  I have presented at a life recovery group on Social Anxiety, The Orphan Heart, Attachment & Bonding and Healing the Father Wound. I have facilitated/co-facilitated Women’s Small Group Studies on various books and studies including Breaking Free (Beth Moore), The Fruit of the Spirit (Beth Moore), Elijah (Priscilla Shirer), Boundaries (Cloud/Townsend) and the Emotionally Healthy Woman (Geri Scazzero).